Family Reconciles After 40 Years

l to r:  Tina with her father, Charles Sr., and her youngest brother, Charles Jr., at family reunion in Las Vegas.

       Tina became the Head Coach of Generational Crossroads for the Westside Church of God in 1997.  At that time, her father, Charles, who abandoned the family when she was 12, was sporadically visiting her when his job as a truck driver took him through Fresno.

       "Our process (of reconciliation) had begun before I came to Generational Crossroads. It continued throughout GC and it still continues," she said, adding, "Generational Crossroads gave me the

courage and the strength to ask him some questions, like `Why did you leave'; questions that had been haunting me for years and years."   

Tina noted that lessons in the Generational Crossroads curriculum that deal with blessing our children helped her understand how feelings of abandonment got confused with memories of the hugs and encouragement her father used to give. She explained, "I talked to him and told him how I felt and how it messed up my life."

       The confusion left after they spoke. "I knew I had to come face to face and I had to talk to him, and I had to tell him. It allowed me to get rid of a lot of anger and bitterness. It opened the door for me to really love him."

       Reconciliation began to impact other members of the family. "I realized that he had not reconciled with his dad," Tina said, of her father and grandfather. She began encouraging her dad to talk to his father. She said, "Through our relationship coming back together I was able to convince him to call his dad."

       The next step occurred when her dad went to a family reunion this past June and saw his father for the first time in over 40 years: "They broke down and there were tears of joy and happiness and release and forgiveness —you could see the forgiveness on both parts."

Tina now recognizes the complexity of family situations and that there were many factors at work that caused her family's breakdown. "I don't think my father was ever a bad person," she said.

       Another significant reconciliation occurred between Tina's dad and Charles Jr, her youngest brother, who was four years old when her father left. Her brother refused to deal with the situation and would say that he did not have a father, she recalled. Slowly, the two men began to talk by phone. Tina pointed out to her brother that his relationship with his own son was hindered because of the lack of relationship with his father.

       "This is generational," she said. Tina encouraged her brother to go to the family reunion in Las Vegas. "The tears and the anger came and both sides talked. After that trip he was able to forgive my father and let it go."

       Almost immediately, the blessings flooded in. "My brother has entered a deeper walk with God," Tina says, adding, "It would not have happened if he had not gone to Las Vegas because there was so much bitterness there. He was immune to trusting God. Now he is allowing God to direct his path.

       "I know Generational Crossroads started the process. I know that if I had not gotten involved in GC, I would not have known this was what he needed. It's like a domino effect."

       Tina said the process continues with other family members who still need reconciliation. "I think for us this is just the beginning."

       In the meantime she basks in the goodness of God. "Eighteen or nineteen years ago, if you would have asked me if I think my husband or kids would have even seen their grandfather I would have said no, it would not have been possible — let alone have a relationship with him."

       And she marvels, "Who wouldn't like to serve a God like we have who is able to do anything but fail?"†

I knew I had to come face to face and I had to talk to (my father), and I had to tell him.

A Transformational Ministry

Redeeming Our Futures by Biblically Resolving Family-of-Origin Issues